and so another part of my life has come to an End.
as with all the previous parts of my life that came to their Ends, it's bittersweet. because ETI has become my second home (my first home, come to that, since I spent more time there over the past one year five months than I did at my actual home) and because the lifestyle has been completely ingrained in me.
it wasn't that tough in the end, but I'm still proud I made it through the one year ten months.
I'm looking through the diary that I tried to keep during bmt. it brings back incredibly vivid memories. a few excerpts:
Day 5, 13 Jan '08: ... Everything's so... normal, outside. It's a different kind of normalcy here. ... WHY MUST WE BE PLATOON 4 AND HAVE TO CLIMB UP TEN FLIGHTS OF STAIRS. ... Everyone's so gungho, I'm not. Too blur, too unmotivated.
Day 7, 15 Jan '08: ... I get sleepy as soon as I sit down. I really need to do laundry. The things I don't like most so far are not having enough time to eat gigantic portions, having to shit in 5 min, not being able to wash clothes everyday and of course being removed from everyone and everything I care about. And all the tekaning. And cold showers. ... Did laundry! Feels good sleeping with handphone under my pillow.
Day 11, 19 Jan '08: Memorising IA drills in the toilet. ... Doing drills w/ Section and getting them right. Platoon talk w/ Sheng Shi - emo everyone-loves-each-other moment. Also very awkward. The cliches of social integration.
Day 13, 21 Jan '08: Talk by Sch 2I/C on the path to being a commander. Hmmmm. I can't really bring myself to bother or care. Don't want to be a combat guy though! We're supposed to be a leadership batch but frankly at this moment I have no desire to be one at all. OC EMO MOMENT!! He signed on out of necessity! "Sometimes reality and ambition clash".
Day 21, 31 Jan '08 (this was after my first bookout; I was writing this while on guard duty): The lapping of the water, humming of the boats (boatsmen awake at 4.30 a.m.!), 98FM playing in the background (good to stay awake). There's actually all these brief moments of almost epiphanic beauty here in Tekong. The silence of the soldiers and the chirping of the birds just before flag-raising (and the moments just before, recruits caught topless or eating and embarrassedly aware of themselves), the sunsets that are more vivid, almost tactile, than those on the mainland, the rhythm of a good march (it's like a TSD "feeling each other's presence" exercise). Wish I could skip SOC today but Guard Duty rest period is only till 11 sian. At least I have time now (it's 4.54 a.m.) to take a good shit.
yes, the transcendental and the banal came together in the strangest ways during my NS.
and yes, I've come a long way.
throughout bmt, sispec, engineer basic, mcvcc, and my posting in ETI, I've been very lucky to meet people, both NSFs and regulars, who somehow found it in their hearts to click with me and become my friends. probably only a couple of them will ever read this, but from the bottom of my heart, thank you all for making the hard times bearable, and the good times memorable. special shoutout to joel, elgene, shi wei, shi xiong and jerome (and in a different way, staff lee and staff andy). I was looking at my old blog entries and there was one, at the start of mcvcc, in which I said I couldn't hit it off with you guys. I'm so glad to say I was wrong.
the experience has simply been quite too many things to put into words succinctly. in retrospect, I'm grateful for it all, even the low points. I feel certain I've grown, that it's strengthened some traits, lessened some others, moulded a work ethic. I'm gonna miss the soothing routine and the contained world within camp. but I also realise it's time to move on.
