a rather marathon post on Singlish is now up, it stands at 1530 words. I think I understand now how the girls feel having to write 1500-word essays. I don't think I could do 5 of those in a week.
anyway, it's ord week 2 now. I'm still pleasantly occupied, reading the papers, doing chores occasionally, going out (a rather rare occurrence thus far). just re-read The Silmarillion and I was struck by the immensity of that created world. the effort Tolkien put into it is just really incredible. the mythology, the languages, the history. it didn't amaze me so much before probably because I was preoccupied trying to figure out who was related to who and who did what, but on a second reading everything was remarkably clear, except I had to occasionally recite to myself the names of the children of Fëanor, Fingolfin and Finarfin. hmm. think I should start on Lord of the Rings again.
I am very close to finally buying a suit for my sister's wedding! actually rather excited. (johnny would say, slut.) got arrowed to go down to arab street and look around for places that personalise ribbons. ah well, all in the name of love.
November 11, 2009
new post on censorship here. it's not very well-articulated and rather haphazardly written I think, but at least I tried. also added the link to thinking aloud on my sidebar.
I can't decide whether the days are passing by too slowly or too fast. because I really have whole days to myself now, but I'm actually pretty busy. so even though the hours are long I'm kept occupied.
I think my brain got fried while writing that post above, because when I stop typing and listen to my head I can't hear anything at all.
off to have some tea then.
November 06, 2009
I collected my pink ic today :)
and so another part of my life has come to an End.
as with all the previous parts of my life that came to their Ends, it's bittersweet. because ETI has become my second home (my first home, come to that, since I spent more time there over the past one year five months than I did at my actual home) and because the lifestyle has been completely ingrained in me.
it wasn't that tough in the end, but I'm still proud I made it through the one year ten months.
I'm looking through the diary that I tried to keep during bmt. it brings back incredibly vivid memories. a few excerpts:
Day 5, 13 Jan '08: ... Everything's so... normal, outside. It's a different kind of normalcy here. ... WHY MUST WE BE PLATOON 4 AND HAVE TO CLIMB UP TEN FLIGHTS OF STAIRS. ... Everyone's so gungho, I'm not. Too blur, too unmotivated.
Day 7, 15 Jan '08: ... I get sleepy as soon as I sit down. I really need to do laundry. The things I don't like most so far are not having enough time to eat gigantic portions, having to shit in 5 min, not being able to wash clothes everyday and of course being removed from everyone and everything I care about. And all the tekaning. And cold showers. ... Did laundry! Feels good sleeping with handphone under my pillow.
Day 11, 19 Jan '08: Memorising IA drills in the toilet. ... Doing drills w/ Section and getting them right. Platoon talk w/ Sheng Shi - emo everyone-loves-each-other moment. Also very awkward. The cliches of social integration.
Day 13, 21 Jan '08: Talk by Sch 2I/C on the path to being a commander. Hmmmm. I can't really bring myself to bother or care. Don't want to be a combat guy though! We're supposed to be a leadership batch but frankly at this moment I have no desire to be one at all. OC EMO MOMENT!! He signed on out of necessity! "Sometimes reality and ambition clash".
Day 21, 31 Jan '08 (this was after my first bookout; I was writing this while on guard duty): The lapping of the water, humming of the boats (boatsmen awake at 4.30 a.m.!), 98FM playing in the background (good to stay awake). There's actually all these brief moments of almost epiphanic beauty here in Tekong. The silence of the soldiers and the chirping of the birds just before flag-raising (and the moments just before, recruits caught topless or eating and embarrassedly aware of themselves), the sunsets that are more vivid, almost tactile, than those on the mainland, the rhythm of a good march (it's like a TSD "feeling each other's presence" exercise). Wish I could skip SOC today but Guard Duty rest period is only till 11 sian. At least I have time now (it's 4.54 a.m.) to take a good shit.
yes, the transcendental and the banal came together in the strangest ways during my NS.
and yes, I've come a long way.
throughout bmt, sispec, engineer basic, mcvcc, and my posting in ETI, I've been very lucky to meet people, both NSFs and regulars, who somehow found it in their hearts to click with me and become my friends. probably only a couple of them will ever read this, but from the bottom of my heart, thank you all for making the hard times bearable, and the good times memorable. special shoutout to joel, elgene, shi wei, shi xiong and jerome (and in a different way, staff lee and staff andy). I was looking at my old blog entries and there was one, at the start of mcvcc, in which I said I couldn't hit it off with you guys. I'm so glad to say I was wrong.
the experience has simply been quite too many things to put into words succinctly. in retrospect, I'm grateful for it all, even the low points. I feel certain I've grown, that it's strengthened some traits, lessened some others, moulded a work ethic. I'm gonna miss the soothing routine and the contained world within camp. but I also realise it's time to move on.
so, as is only appropriate... ord loh!
November 05, 2009
I just have to link to this. their facial expressions are priceless. (thanks to my bunkmates for this haha)
and for the novelty of it, the singapore complaints choir. it's ironic indeed that after MICA effectively banned the performance (more info here) they did private performances at old parliament house. how very singaporean.
foreign workers living beside a cemetery - what would you think? just posted some of my thoughts here.
rain and more rain. lovely weather, but it makes me feel so melancholy.
November 01, 2009
I seem to be settling into a pattern of posting once a month. in that case, I may as well fulfil my quota today since I'm feeling kinda chatty.
so, what with only 2 working days per week for the past 3 weeks - I've been referring to it as "weekends spent in camp" - I've been doing a fair amount of stuff. or nothing at all, depending on how you look at it. I changed the bedsheets, cleared out the storeroom, re-tidied my wardrobe, gave away old clothes, done 12 SAT subject test papers so far, scored a 2340 for my october SAT (yay), had a subway lunch at least once each week, did up the mass booklet for my sister's wedding, tried cupcakes from 6 places, added album artwork to just about every song on my ipod, had my first encounter with mlm, watched 500 days of summer and the hurt locker (both very good!), bought 4 oversize tees, went cycling by myself to changi village and nearly gave up on the way back, read the papers every day, brought home most of my stuff from camp except my guitar, clothes and toiletries, celebrated zach's birthday, had prata at upper thomson at 1a.m., started forming christmas plans, set up a new blog in an attempt to be more socially engaged, and had mcdonald's breakfasts twice at 6 a.m.
so, out of all that unordered chaos above, I think I'll elaborate a bit on some items.
first, regarding proper 'work'. my uk application is still at vjc; if this year repeats last year, it will stay there until january and I'll know the results in march. no headway on my us applications, due to my procrastination. I still have to polish up the essays, and once that's done I can send in the common app, supplements and application payments. then I'll also need to get mr tan and mr teo to send in the recommendations. as for SATs, although I'm grateful for my higher score for the SAT itself this time round, once november 7 is over and I take my subject tests, I should hope never to encounter them ever again.
I admit that my attempt to be more socially engaged is also a not-so-subtle admissions ploy to portray myself as, well, more socially engaged. if you please, you may like to visit thinking aloud, which is where I aim to post commentary on whatever I feel qualified to comment on. because of this condition, content is currently rather lacking - I can't help feeling like I'm using a loudspeaker to spit forth polemic while standing on a gigantic soapbox, even if no one's listening. though it is honestly what I feel, otherwise it wouldn't be there.
first encounter with mlm. hmm. well, to be fair, the whole place and premise of the enterprise sounded perfectly above board and legal to me. it's just that it completely offended my sensibilities. prosperous young men in shirts and pants and similar purple ties engaging in carefully calibrated banter with not-so-prosperous young men and women; the uncomfortable close presence of supposedly easy money hovering over every table at which a 'sharing' is taking place, insinuating itself into each pre-planned volley of questions: "Would you rather work till 60 and then retire, or work till 30 then retire?" "Would you like to earn money by doing nothing at all?" the questions are rhetorical. but I knew I could never commit to such a place, commit my life to bottles of pills, put a false conviction in my voice. I don't want a bmw convertible by age 25, I don't want to be a 'gold member', I don't want to be a perpetrator of some 'points value' system that in reality means absolutely nothing to me. it was all horrifying, in a way. not so much the place itself but the implications on lifestyle and mindset that the place held. I said I wouldn't mind working till I die. if the place didn't disturb me in a fundamental sense, I might have found the look on the guy's face priceless.
another thing I want to blog about is how I was going through my secret drawer just two days ago. now, my secret drawer contains just about every postcard, card, photo or memento I've received since secondary school. it is an immensely sentimental indulgence, and completely un-macho, but what the hell. I looked through everything and there was this huge huge wave of nostalgia. I have a letter from cheryl from sec 3 written in three colours and featuring prominent use of the word "bahx", postcards from serhua and rachel calling me 'daddy' HAHA, the script for What You Will, my sec 2 class photo (everybody is scrawny and ugly, particularly muthu), the list goes on. I also have, from jc, group scripts and my crit comm (HUGE HUGE nostalgia), photos of my group in our bright tees, three years worth of christmas cards from various people, 2 years of a15 timetables, the tsd a-level practical timetable, and (I must mention this) various notes from various people, the most outstanding being one from steph, written in pink pen on a yellow post-it, "I hate stats", followed by a picture of a bell. I couldn't bear to throw anything away.
I've rattled on quite long enough now, so I'll stop here. off to stalk people on facebook!
October 11, 2009
before anything else, may I just put a link to The Online Citizen here. I was directed to TOC a month or two ago, and it was a cross between a refreshing breeze and a slap in the face. all the dirt in Singapore society that, I admit, I have been completely and blissfully unaware of cloistered in my comfortable middle-class ignorance.
it's because of TOC that I feel a need to be more socially aware awakening. a need to be more... engaged with the issues. grace has a link to an article written by gayle goh re: integration of immigrants, but the truly stimulating thing is the discussion (and in some parts, slicing to pieces) of gayle's article.
I want to write about these issues but it's difficult to form an opinion when they're so big they're all over my head. I'm unqualified. it'd feel pretentious to even try to express an opinion.
sat for my SAT I yesterday at anderson jc. woke up at 5 bloody 40 a.m. to avoid taking a cab there (I'm very, very proud of myself for that haha). the test was alright, just waiting to see what my score's like when it comes on the 29th. and now it's moving on to study for my subject tests! I never thought I'd touch jc math topics again, but my gc with fresh batteries beckons.
on a completely unrelated note, 11 more working days to ord. a whole bunch of weird feelings coming in now that The End is drawing near.
September 16, 2009
sometimes, like this morning, I wake up and pace around unable to concentrate on anything, partly because there're things to do but I can't bring myself to do them, and mostly because of the emptiness in my stomach and the feeling that someone has tied a rubber band round my brain, pulled it, and now I'm just waiting for it to snap back.
it's days like these I think I have a mild anxiety disorder.
September 11, 2009
passed my driving test, 4 points! :)
August 29, 2009
for those who somehow find the interest to ask me about uni: I sent in my ucas application two weeks ago actually, so it's completely out of my hands now. the us applications are still a pain, primarily because of the essays. I have written first drafts for all the essays except for the poem and summarised movie storyline. these two are quite worrying, frankly. I have no idea where to begin!
in other news. rehearsals for open house are... well. if anyone at all is going, do look out for me. I should be standing around looking as if I got issued a corrective work order.
